How much cream cheese belongs on a bagel? It’s a topic that could inspire vigorous debate in certain parts of New York. Some bagel spots will give you a perfectly normal schmear that offers a creamy, fatty taste that won’t wind up all over your face. Other places insist your bagel be stuffed with enough cream cheese that you’ll need a plate to collect the gobs that slip out when you bite down into the bagel.
And then, well, there’s this.
What you’re looking at is a McDonald’s bagel that Toronto Sun reporter and verified Twitter user Bryan Passifiume ordered with “extra cream cheese.” A whole hell of a lot extra by the look of things.
In a thread he posted providing background on this bagel blunder, Passifiume explained that he requested extra cream cheese since the fine folks at his local McDonald’s “apply it like butter,” leaving him with an unsatisfying hint of cream cheese rather than the real deal. But obviously someone at this particular Canadian McDonald’s wasn’t feeling very polite that morning, since the metric ton of cream cheese Passifiume wound up with was “clearly just an exercise in passive aggressiveness.” You have to admit that picturing someone just angrily slapping a whole tub of cream cheese onto a bagel makes for a fun mental image.
The only thing one can really do in the face of something as absurd as this is mine it for further humor, and Passifiume and his near-quart of cream cheese did not disappoint. Instead of attempting to eat the bagel (how would you even start?), he spent the morning comparing its girth to various household items.
And because this is Canada we’re talking about, he naturally had to compare the bagel’s thickness to the country’s standard unit of measurement: the regulation NHL hockey puck.
Of course, you could argue that Passifiume was asking for it because he ordered a bagel from McDonald’s in the first place (who does that?). Regardless, I think it’s safe to say we now know for sure how much cream cheese it’s possible to stuff into a bagel. Your move, Wendy’s breakfast.
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